A good hard kick up the noughties

I was reminded of an amusing historical event today when I “accidentally” kicked SW, my pilates instructor, up the bottom whilst she was picking up my water bottle for me! Btw, as I’m always caring about my readers, I asked if she’d pose for a photo to recreate the incident, but rather unsurprisingly she (not so) politely declined my request J!


Back in the noughties when we lived in Bridlington, my mum often picked the kids up from school.  J, being an extremely excitable 5 year old, always exploded out of the classroom like a cork from a champagne bottle, and sped around the playground screaming and shouting like a lunatic.  My mum relayed what happened thereafter on this particular day:


“You know the lovely receptionist from the dentists, well she was collecting her granddaughter, and her granddaughter’s shoelaces had come undone, so she had squatted down to tie them and J just ran up behind her and kicked her up the bum, really hard, in fact it was so hard, she fell over into a bush!  I’ve never been so embarrassed.  I apologised to her and she said that it was alright, but it’s not alright, is it?”


I felt compelled as a responsible parent to take action … I called J in to tell him off; the only problem was that I couldn’t stop smiling!  As I was in the middle of my stretching regime in preparation for my track session later that evening, I took up a position laid on my back on the floor, with my arm covering my face to try and maintain at least some sense of authority.


“J, you’ve been very naughty and upset Grandma. You shouldn’t kick people up the bottom, now get to your room and stay there until I say you can come out”.


I thought I’d pulled it off, but after only two steps, J turned round and walked back towards me.  He stood over me, bent down and tickled my forehead with his finger.


“I only did it because I knew it would make you laugh, and I know you’re laughing because I can see your ears are wiggling”


So not for the first time, and I doubt for the last time, it was all my fault; the cheeky little monkey!


At least I doubt he’d do it now if presented with the same opportunity, probably because it would involve too much effort!!