I awoke this morning to the sound of the bin wagon coming down our street – that’s right, I’d forgotten to put my bin out!
I quickly jumped out of bed and put my dressing gown and slippers on. I sprinted down the steps and grabbed the bin liner from the kitchen bin and rushed to the wheelie bin outside.
On finding the bin, I noticed that it was covered in ice. I crushed the kitchen waste into the bin, grabbed the handles, and started to tip-toe down the steep slope that is my driveway, with the wheelie bin out in front of me.
After only a couple of tentative steps, I concluded that the drive wasn’t that icy, thank goodness, so I stopped worrying about slipping – what a mistake!
Suddenly, my feet went from underneath me and I fell onto my back, still holding tight to the bin; if I can fall over in a nightclub and not lose a drop from my pint, I can certainly keep hold of a wheelie bin!
Whilst the drive was icy, my dressing gown somehow stuck to it …. I, on the other hand, kept on sliding, pulled onwards by the weight of the overflowing bin, our joint momentum dragging me beyond the end of the slope and out into the road ….
What a sight I must have been ; a naked middle-aged man, wearing some kind of cape with sleeves trailing in his wake, tobogganing down his drive whilst holding on to a wheelie bin!
After covering up my modesty, and pretending that both sets of cheeks weren’t on fire (for different reasons), I straightened up the bin, and hobbled in the general direction of the steps at the side of the drive and back to the safety of my house with as much dignity as I could muster (which wasn’t that much to be honest!) ….
At least I’ve probably brightened up one of my neighbours’ day!