Howzat for bowling a maiden over?!

Following an invite from an ex-work colleague, I went to my first cricket Test Match last Friday at Headingley, in Leeds.


It was a fun day, and although I behaved myself (for once) with the free booze, thanks to my pocket radio and Test Match Special I did manage to partake fully in the sporting action!


As Headingley is on GF’s route home from work, she picked me up outside the ground afterwards.


“Who won?” she enquired.


“Erm, no-one yet, it’s a test match, so we are only 20% through the game – it lasts for five days” I explained.


Unsure of how to spend our evening, we weighed up the numerous options as we sat in the traffic. As it was a balmy evening, I had the window open, through which I heard the following conversation on the street:


“Excuse me sir, would you be interested in a card that gives you 40% off at Pizza Express on days whenever England or Yorkshire are playing at Headingley?” said a very bubbly young lady.


“No thanks” said the pedestrian.


It sounded too good to be true, especially as PE is GF’s favourite and the Headingley PE is the closest to her home!


“Excuse me, I’ll have one please?” I balled out of the window!


Highly amused, she trotted across and gave me two, one for luck!


My romantic gesture didn’t go amiss; I certainly know how to bowl a maiden over – I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist such an awful pun!


The following day, I returned home for an afternoon of sport in front of the TV whilst GF was busy running errands. Whilst I was cooking dinner in anticipation of her arrival, I received the following call from her:


“You know the five day test match between England and West Indies?”


“Yes” – I was pleased that she’d been listening …


“Do all five days take place in Headingley, or does it move around the country?”




“Because I’m stuck in a massive traffic jam in Headingley!”


Undoubtedly enhanced by the wine I’d had whilst cooking, I couldn’t stop laughing at the lovely naivety of such an innocent comment. I know the rules of cricket can be a bit complicated for novices, but I never thought that I’d either have to explain that particular aspect of the game or that it would take on such a key role in my Saturday night!  I guess it’s true; assume nothing – it makes an ass of u and me ….


Luckily dinner would keep, unlike the bottle of wine I had opened (after the previously opened one was emptied)!!

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